On minor irritants
Sometime back I had written a piece on hating things that was rather well received, if I say so myself. That piece took a very deep dive into the things that I absolutely abhorred. Those were things that sat in the core of my being and live in a world of disagreement with my very nature. But that’s not an everyday thing. Everyday things are minor, they’re small, easy and don’t deserve too much attention. Pet peeves, as you’d know them to be.
This below is a list, literally a list, of my pet peeves with a brief commentary on them. These don’t rile me up but cause just enough annoyance for me to react to them. Don’t think that I’m giving you fuel to annoy me, it’ll be blatantly obvious as to what you’re tryna do and trust me, it either won’t work or you’ll probably hear even lesser from me than what you probably do now.
Disclaimer: Please don’t take this to be an attack at any one of you specifically. It’s on all of you.
I kid, I kid. We’ve all, me included, done this to one another at some point.
Chewing with an open mouth: Good god I really don’t need to see, or hear you masticating. Stay shut for the 20 chews you need eh? It isn’t too tough.
Walking aimlessly: Seriously, how can one be on a busy pavement and not know where to go and instead think that staying put in the middle is somehow magically going to resolve the spatial challenges that your motor cortex is currently dealing with. Some of us have places to be and things to do.
Not breaking step / walking in 3s, 4s or 10s: While I’m not some tall freak (like my friend SAN at 6'4"), I am a sizeable individual and I do take up some amount of volume as any good substance of matter does. But I think I’m invisible because oodles of idiots see me approaching and continue to walk into me rather than break step with their companions and make some bloody space for me to walk past. What sense of entitlement does one have to not give a little way. Or maybe it’s a severe case of untreated myopia, the poor things…
Honking unnecessarily: Man, oh man, I am so glad you, the driver(s) behind me honked while the light was still red/there’s a massive truck stuck/a bus is making a regularly scheduled stop. If it weren’t for your aural assault, I surely wouldn’t have been witness to the majestic non-event unfolding right before my eyes. Please, continue to sing the song of the horn-kind and delight me in the joys of mankind’s artistic epitome. Vile fool, would I be stationary if I didn’t have a sound reason?
Leaving conversations midway: Ah yes. I too love getting responses to my inquiries 5–7 business days later, if at all. If you think about it, there might be and I’m just hazarding a guess here, a reason the word ‘instant’ is used to describe such messaging. But hey, time is relative as Nolan showed us in Interstellar. My week is your hour perhaps.
Not making one’s bed: Okay I get it. It doesn’t have to be the first thing you do in the morning, may be you need your coffee/tea. But the whole day and for a task that takes maybe 2 minutes if you’re slow? Seriously. Why even live in a house, just set up camp in a barn no? This is dusty country people, enjoy sleeping on dust every night and exfoliate your skin with that.
Not folding clothes: Same as above. Enjoy your wrinkly, dust-filled clothes, heathen.
Tardiness: Yes, that plan was made and communicated to you in advance so that you can at least come up with a decent and timely excuse to bail out, you know. It takes a modicum of effort to make a scene!
Talking loudly in public places: No no no no noooooo. I don’t want to hear about your pitiful scene or be a witness to your petty fights. Keep it down and to yourself! Wow.
Not doing your share of chores: This is especially, but not only, at the men in my life — come on, it’s a common job. You live there, you take care of it. End of story.
Not turning off fans/lights when not in use: One earth guys, we’ve already destroyed her, at least pretend to give a damn? Sigh.
Alrighty, I can already hear you rolling your eyes thinking, “Wow this guy’s got issues that he needs resolved.” Maybe, but it’s only because I sat down to make a list. Go ahead, it’s actually fun! Make yours in the comments below and let me know too!